Taking Back Control from Birth Control
I want to start by saying that this post is graphic and may not be suitable for the the faint of heart or children under 15. I want to make this post as transparent as possible, so any other woman who is looking to use hormonal birth control as a form of contraceptive, or thinking about getting her current birth control removed, won’t be in the dark. I would also like to say that everyone is different and may experience different effects. I’m sharing my personal story.
“When deciding to use any form of birth control, make sure it is solely because YOU want to use it. Not because someone else wants you to.”
I decided to get on birth control in 2013 because my monogamous “friend with benefits” at the time, knew for sure that he was at the point in his life where he did not want any more kids. I was not very clear with my own intentions of not having another child. I just knew that if I was to have another baby, it would be out of love and in a stable 2 parent home. I was introduced to the Mirena and had my first insertion that would last the maximum of 5 years. If you’re not familiar with the hormonal IUD, Mirena, it’s a little t-shaped piece of plastic that releases small amounts of a progestin hormone called levonorgestrel into the uterus. The T shape acts like a blocker, stopping sperm from reaching or fertilizing the egg. It also thins the uterine lining and thickens cervical mucus. This also helps prevent sperm from entering the uterus. I naturally had heavy, lengthy periods. They would last 7 to 8 days. I would experience severe PMS symptoms a week before my flow even started. My mood swings were ferocious, and the cramps were so bad I would have to sit in the fetal position just to get some type of relief. The Mirena helped decrease all of that exponentially. 5 years into our relationship, I came to the conclusion that I did not want any more kids! By this time, we blended our family of him and his 2 sons and my son and I. Let me just say this, 3 kids are definitely enough for me, lol! Once the 5 years were up for my IUD, I opted to get the same brand reinserted for another 5 years. This is where things started to change up a little.
“Listen to your body when it speaks to you. Chances are what it’s saying is spot on and telling nothing but the truth.”
After a month of having the Mirena placed, I noticed one thing that had changed. Having sex was starting to become uncomfortable. Positions that I usually would love to jump into became somewhat of a hesitant movement. I wasn’t sure if it would cause pain or discomfort. If I’m keeping it completely honest it had thrown my entire libido off. It really took a toll on how I felt about our sexual relationship. Luckily I have the type of man who I could talk to with just about anything. My Fiance’ made sure to make adjustments that would fit my comfortability but deep inside, I mean that figuratively and literally, something still felt wrong. My second round of Mirena lasted a year and a few months. Towards the end of having the insertion, my symptoms worsened. I would experience short lived cramps that were strong enough to stop me in my tracks. My new normal light menstrual cycle was now as irregular as they had ever been. Although they were still light, the duration would last for weeks at a time. By this point I knew it was time to take this IUD out. Now you’re probably wondering what took me so damn long to take it out in the first place?
“Your body is your personal sacred temple. Never let society dictate how you should handle yourself especially when your health is involved.”
It never dawned on me how much the world views women’s body as property until it was me having to explain why I shouldn’t be the only one held accountable for not creating another life. It takes two to tango and just as much as I feel it’s my body and my choice with pregnancy, it’s the same as well with using birth control. I was angry with myself for allowing the outside world to condition me into thinking I have to alter my body in order to not be with child. I’m not going to lie, some of this new found resentment and anger on this topic was more towards my husband-to-be. In that moment I felt like, No! I did not want anymore kids but if I was to get pregnant I wouldn’t be upset. I’m financially and mentally capable of rearing a child. It was he who was adamant about not having kids. So of course, I was the one to have to take the measures to make sure we didn’t get pregnant. Around this time a very close friend of mine with the same IUD was admitted into the hospital with what she thought were back pains due to a pulled muscle. It ended up being an infection from her Mirena that honestly could have cost her her life. If that wasn’t my sign to go with my gut, I don’t know what else it would have been. I’m so happy to have such an understanding partner by my side. Explaining my worries about how my current birth control and any other birth control for that matter would affect my health showed him that it’s more to this than just not getting pregnant. I asked him would he be willing to alter his body since he’s the one standing firm in the idea of not having kids? He said yes! Well alrighty then. We have a solution! That solution was short lived because we both are young. He was quickly given alternatives by his doctor in the form of pamphlets aimed towards my uterus. No thank you, been there done that! So now what? Here we are. What do we do now?
“Too much of anything can be bad for your mind body or soul.”
With no clear plan as to what we could do besides the obvious use of condoms, I set my appointment to have my IUD removed on July 12th with only my health and well-being in mind. What happened after the removal was not expected and I was totally blindsided.
Like I stated earlier, Mirena releases small amounts of a hormone into your body but after almost 7 years of this hormone being dumped into my body, the withdrawals were life altering. 3 days after having my Mirena IUD taken out I experienced depression, exhaustion and severe mood swings. I would wake up not wanting to get out of bed. I felt empty and useless. It felt as if I was being weighed down by gravity and unable to move. Although my thoughts were not suicidal, I had self-hate thoughts that have never entered my mind before. I totally gave up my desire to create content, blog, record videos, workout, be an active member of my family, all of it! I think the scary part of it was that in that moment the real me was still very present. I would immediately speak to myself like “Why are you thinking such negative thoughts”, “This is not you”. I was having an inner battle with myself. It didn’t help that I also started my cycle 2 days after the IUD was removed. With this cycle came the return of old symptoms of crippling cramps, moodiness and an extremely heavy flow. The only difference is, I had been passing massive blood clots which seem to happen a few times an hour. This was the part of hormonal birth control removal I was not warned about.
As of today, I am still experiencing bleeding and blood clots. I am awaiting a scheduled visit with my OB/GYN to discuss my concerns about the after effects of my Mirena removal. I am doing the best to take back control of my body and mind by continuing therapy and talking to my family and friends about how I am feeling on a day to day basis. This is the time where I need the support most. I am more conscious about my eating habits and I also have increased my water intake. To keep me from getting stuck in bed and feeling depressed, I increased my gym time from 2-3 days a week to 4-5 days a week. I meditate using my fit bit app or watch and have taken some down time from social media. Planning our wedding has been a stress reliever and that may come as a shock, but it’s a great way to keep my mind active and off of feeling negatively about myself. If I can give any advice to someone who is looking to use birth control or to get off of it, it would be to ask your doctor as many questions as you can, do your own research and find an alternative to hormonal IUDs. I appreciate all of my TBQ family being concerned and wishing me well. My family and you are my motivation to just not let these emotions consume me. I don’t want to say that they’re not real because the truly are. I will say that they aren’t who I am as a person and I will win this battle and take back complete control over me!